Becoming an adult

I still remember looking at adults around me, back when I was a kid or teen. They seemed to be able to make things happen, being capable of solving everyday problems. In my eyes seemed like some kind of magic! 

And basically, when I turned eighteen and officially became an adult myself, things didn’t change much for me. 

Well, it’s been sometime since then, ten years to be exact. Ten years of minor experiences, major/life changing experiences, change of opinions, neurological evolution that comes “with age”, memories that keep spending time with me, fresh everyday memories, joy (a lot of it), sadness (a lot of it as well), problems, the solution of them, highs, very highs, lows, really really lows, etc. 

What passed through these 10 years can be summed up in one word I believe: life. 

Growing up as an adult, maturing, living, made me realize that there’s no magic, the way I thought it existed. Adults don’t heve a magical way to deal with things! They only learn how to live. I’m learning how to live. And it’s very useful to have an open mind through this procedure that practically lasts for decades.

Oh, and by the way, some of the most recent conclusions I came to are the following:

  • Many times life is the balance between breathing and death. 
  • In life,  basically, you can control only a few things. 
  • During your lifetime, you should learn your limits, respect them, show to others how to respect them as well (always talking about your own limits) and work on expanding them. 
  • Much needed things: work and persistence. 
  • A very important thing: perspective.

Well, these are the basic thoughts I have about maturing, life, adulthood, these days! 

To be continued (because I need to do my grocery shopping too, what can you do, adult life….!)…. 

Too close to home

These past months two musicians have committed suicide, due to mental health problems. The news hit too close to home both times, so I decided that it was time to write about it. 

Well, I have been there, not too long ago. About one year ago, after years of untreated OCD, my mind got really tired and started giving me suicidal thoughts. They were coming when I was really stressed, or even out of the blue. Believe me, when your mind tells you even the way you could try and kill yourself is one of the weirdest moments of your life. 

The one thing you MUST do when these thoughts come, is ask for help from a psychologist/psychiatrist! With the help of an expert you see things how they really are. Suicidal thoughts is your mind talking nonsense, your mind being tired of certain problems, your mind trying to cope with untreated mental health issues. Killing yourself is never the answer! 

Many people may say that “you cannot do this to your family”, but I say that YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO YOURSELF. In life, hard times always appear and (mental) health isssues appear as well, but there are doctors and experts for it, to help you cope and get healthy, fight, survive and move on from bad times. 

Each individual has hers/his burden/past/memories, but there’s nothing you cannot deal with eventually. It just takes help, time and willpower. But it’s all worth it. Because you cannot lose life, all the happy times that are going to come, all the love, the people, the nice things, the moments, the everyday things, everything, because your mind told you so at some point. 

Suicidal thoughts are about problems with your mental health, and though it’s still some kind of taboo (in 2017), mental health is still HEALTH. When you get psychically sick you go to the doctor, it’s the same thing with mental health, your mind gets sick and you need to go to the doctor. After all, your body works because of your mind/brain! 

So, don’t ever give up, if you have suicidal thoughts it might seem logical to turn them into action. But it’s not! In the end of the tunnel you’re into there is light, there is life, there are good things you can’t even imagine right now. Difficult times definitely come in life, but definitely go as well. And you must be breathing to meet them! 

Trust me, because I’m a suicidal thoughts survivor! 

The thing called cancer (no. 3)

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It’s been quite some time. About nine months to be more exact. 

When I learned about my mom’s cancer diagnosis, I was standing in front of the kitchen counter at her house, eating some candy. 

Since then, we’ve been through a lot together (always with the help of friends and family, but as the first born of the family I was her main helper/nurse/positive energy coach/cook/everything else needed), therapy, a 14 hour surgery, the healing from that surgery, all until we learned that now she’s cancer free. Well, not fully recovered yet from the surgery, and in a program of frequent checks for a year, but I think that this is the end of an era, a milestone of victory!

To better things to come! 

Life as it is

Yeah, life isn’t always easy, and sometimes bad things come in groups. In the past year, since last May to be exact, many things have happened. 
I was diagnosed with O.C.D., after almost ten years from the first signs of it. This O.C.D. brought me to a breaking point and caused me depression and suicidal thoughts. I started therapy and taking meds. After a couple of months, a big part of the factory where my mom amd brother were working was burnt. My brother who was working in production stopped working, but my mom continued working in the offices of the factory. But, since I don’t have a day job, I had to go back to my parent’s house for some months. A couple of weeks after the fire, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. She did chemo and these days she’s going into surgery. Thankfully her cancer is treatable. And, last weekend my father almost died from kidney failure. He survived and is going on dialysis, probably for the rest of his life. 

It’s so funny, that as I’m writing and reading the last lines all these seem so surreal! Yes, bad things happen all together sometimes, this is a fact. But, the difference is made from the way each person decides to react and act to things. 

Personally, I prefer fighting. I say that “when life gives you the middle finger, you give her the middle finger back”. I’m a fighter, and I try to make even the worst things work in the best way possible (a kind of positive thinking, but more of a way of working with things, so I can get something positive out of them). 

In the last year of my life, many things (some of them really bad) have happened. BUT,… my mom’s cancer is treatable, my O.C.D. is going well, I’m doing great with psychotherapy, and most importantly I can now say that I’m learning to live. 

Really live, not just going through every day. But, becoming a better and stronger human, becoming better friends with myself, taking control of my life and learning what really matters in life. 

Even in the worst situations, there’s always something good you can dig up!