Embracing (the outside) 

Yesterday I noticed  the “I have embraced” hashtag on social media. I’m in a procedure of embracing who I really am for many months now, so I immediately wrote it down for future use!

So, this morning I was looking at the mirror my so naturally full hair. Since I was little I loved all those bob haircuts that created a sleek hair effect. I have too much hair, so my hair always looked closer to a lion, than a sleek look. But, I have embraced that, and even being proud of it now. Well, I was born with a great quantity of hair, while other people don’t have that. Many women have to add extensions and other trinkets to their hair, so it looks full or in order to create a special hairstyle. I can just do it with my natural hair. 

And one more thing that I think helped in this embracing is all the months I passed next to my mama, while she was in chemo, while she was recovering from her surgery. (I offered to cut some of mine for her, to create a natural wig, but it was too expensive,but I’m planning of donating some of my hair sometime). 
Next thing I thought of as I was looking at the mirror was the mole I have close to my chin. I actually have a couple of them around my face. Since I was little I remember thinking that my moles were the first thing someone noticed when they looked at me. Maybe it was, maybe it is, I don’t know really know. But I’ve always been a fan of embracing yourself, so some thoughts of a future removal never became a reality. 

I’m not 100% cool with them yet, but. I’m really close to it! (Yeah, I used to think that my nose was too big too, but it’s ok after all. A close selfie isn’t doing it justice).

Then, one big thing is the rest of my body. I used to be really really (naturally) thin. Until a couple of years ago, I used to be a size 36 in jeans. I don’t wear jeans anymore, I prefer dresses (a style thing, not a body conscience thing), but I think I would be a 42 or 44 now. 

I started gaining weight a few years ago, been through diets, etc. But for the last year and a half that I’m in therapy for my anxiety, I thought that as well as I’m embracing my inner self, I should embrace my outer self as well! 

Plus, I realized a couple of things while watching my mama going through her cancer period, the sickness, all the times she couldn’t eat, etc. Life is too short after all, to be on a diet. And for what?! A role model that some people decided on your behalf? No, thanks. 

Now, I usually wear a size L and it’s ok. I spent months of takeout food, because I was too tired of cooking something other than what my mom needed to eat. So, I see my body now as some kind of medal for all we’ve been through and won!

I have bought many new clothes, because most of the old ones didn’t fit. I stopped caring about the number on the tag, as much as I did in the beginning. 

I love my body, my body type (thin upper part and wider lower part),  my mind and life! 

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“The werewolf rises” (a poem) 

This one is special!

It’s the second year I participate in #mabsdrawlloweenclub, an art challenge that is hosted by Mab Graves. For each day of October, there is a Halloween-inspired theme and artists from all around the world create a piece of art (all forms of art are accepted) according to theme!

I use a variety of forms for my art, so I combine them all, one day I might draw something or another I might write a poem (like today!).

I love the way this challenge brings so many artists together and the fact that people like me, can use the different mediums they already use!

Let’s have a happy/creative/creepy October!!

Artwork of the day! 

As an artist I use a variety of forms of art. For about six months now, I’m experimenting with digital collage. I already create collage and mixed media pieces from more “traditional” materials, but one day I thought that since I use art photography, why not create digital collage pieces as well!? And I did.

This one is my newest creation. Fresh, “from the oven”, is a piece I created a few hours ago. 

The world we live in

Woke up really early today. And my mind woke up too, so couldn’t fall asleep again. I started going through Facebook posts. 

First,  I ended up watching a video about an Auschwitz survivor that managed to forgive the doctors that took part in the killings and the experiments there. Everything that Hitler and his people did is unthinkable and monstrous. And the sadest thing of all is that today, there are still people who believe in his philosophy, his opinions, who hate, who prefer turning against others who are different than them. 

Then, I continued reading an article about the American student who was imprisoned in North Korea and then died. Well, North Korea is definitely one of the places that seems unthinkable that exists in 2017, but another thing about this story that keeps bothering me is why did this student had to steal something from a state known for its cruelty.

The third post I came across (and stayed to study it) was about rape victims and reactions and words by people and police, that they had to deal with. Rape is not the fault of the victim, doesn’t have to do with the clothes you’re wearing, when you say no you mean it; it’s not a game to excite the other person. The shame that follows rape victims makes me so angry every time I think about it!

So, this is how my day started. And I started thinking “in what kind of world do we live in?!”.

There’s so much hate and violence and need for power, ruling the world for decades now…! And all these still going strong and probably will continue to do so…

My second question is “what can we do for this?!”. 

Living with OCD (no.5)

ocd

Since the first session I had with my therapist, she noticed that apart from the problems that were created by my OCD, it also helped me in my life, to have a system, to create. In the past, before going into therapy, I had similar thoughts. 

Back then I only believed I might have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Having all the compulsions in my daily life, sometimes I was thinking “what I would do if they would go away at some point, I was used to them, living with them”.

So, my therapist was right. And, from the start, the plan of my therapy was to keep a part of my compulsions. I ended up cooperating with my disorder, and this really helps me. 

I’ve found an ideal place of cooperation with my OCD, while trying (daily) to overcome, little by little, my obsessions and compulsions. 

At this point I’ve managed to have two or three mini-victories over my anxiety, daily. I have started feeling “normal” (having an OCD-free daily life), a feeling that I basically never knew, since I I’ve had OCD my whole adult life. 
Living with OCD, but by having it under control… and cooperation is the key.