Dear Dodo

My grandma’s sister (who was also my mama’s godmother) was named Theodora. They were calling her Dodo. My middle name is Theodora (add the first one, which is Angelica and you get Angelina).

Today would be her nameday. And today is my nameday as well. As an adult, I have decided to celebrate this day, more as a reminder of her, than the nameday itself.

I see this day as a link between me and her, who died a couple of years before I was born.

Today I’m going to write her a letter.

…………………………

Dear Dodo,

I am your sister’s granddaughter and Eva’s daughter. We’ve never met, but I know you from the stories that run in the family.

I’ve always had pictures of you in my home. And many of them have ended up in the part of it that I use as my art studio. You were a crafter after all!

We love the same things, the delicate things, the craft supplies, fabric, yarn hooks, shopping, going to the theater alone (well, I prefer cinema, but anyway), starting our day by taking care of ourselves, we love all fine things in life.

I have so many small memories, stories and objects of you in my everyday life. I wear your rings (I’m maybe the only woman in the family that can wear them, since they’re such a small size), I use your black tea pot (I renewed the cast iron), I use your black Singer sewing machine, I have clothes of yours, and many trinkets too!

I use fabric that you bought to make clothes and jewelry. I have your Ikebana scissors among my art supplies. I can pee in the sea while walking in the same time, like you did. And when I clean my nose with a tissue and meanwhile I talk, mama calls me “Dodo”, because she says our movement is identical.

You must know your memory lives on, and that’s mama’s doing. And your memory is going to live on in the future too, I’ll make sure of that.

You were an amazing human being and were/are/will be loved, just so you know!

Love,

Angelica – Theodora

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No middle finger

I used to be the person that was feeling like raising her middle finger at some occasions, but never did. Maybe because I was teached that it is a bad thing, maybe because I was afraid or something. Well, the why isn’t important for this post (and maybe not at all)!

It came a point in my life when a small Pandora’s box opened for me. There was so much feeling; and pain; and anger; and “I’ve-had-enough” feelings and thoughts.

The first time I raised my middle finger felt weird. And many times followed. It ended being an expression. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. The world didn’t change, and nothing bad happened because of it.

But I don’t do it anymore. Well, I might do it as a joke to a friend of mine (yes, one particular one), but nowhere else, and most importantly, not as an expression of my “fuck-you” feelings.

There comes a moment in life (it came for me at least), when you don’t even need that middle finger. Even when shit happens, and people are acting like assholes towards you, when you’re not being treated the way you would like to be treated, even in situations where (in the past) you would want so much to raise that middle finger of yours.

You accept the situation, you deal with it, you talk to the other person if you need to, you may eventually need to remove someone from your life, etc. There are many ways you can react to things being said and things happening, but you’re strong enough and self-aware that you don’t need to give it much more energy and importance anymore….!

Life happens after all!