In the “microcosm” I like talking about tough subjects sometimes, but I always put some sprinkle over them. Not to make them look prettier, but just because I have a positive way of thinking about things.
But, for this post, will be a little different, a little more… raw. So, here it goes…
What’s the first thing that comes in your mind when you think about abuse? Maybe abuse against children? Or maybe a wife with a black eye that “accidentally fell off the stairs”?
Yes, there are physical signs of abuse, but there is also emotional abuse. One that’s kept beneath the surface and sometimes it’s difficult even for the person that’s being abused to realize it. And many times it happens inside romantic relationships.
I have been there, I have lived within it, I have survived, I have seen the positive side and recently its true colors/aftermath.
I once met a boy, through a friend. And he seemed nice. I fell in love with him. We became an item. And I remember feeling so lucky that I have found a good one.
He seemed sweet, sensitive and quite charming. All his friends loved him. He was always smiling…., especially when others were around.
Well, the pure reality was quite different:
- He was talking too much about his ex-girlfriend and saying mainly bad things about her, of course!
- He was creating arguments and scenes almost every day and especially after I had fun.
- He was never happy and always having a reason to complain about something or someone.
- He was turning conversations in such a way, so I would end up expressing my feelings to him (which was kind of forced of course, because I’m a person that needs some time to express feelings).
- He was extremely jealous, just by the idea that a man might look at me.
- He was making comments about how much I like taking care of myself and going out for walks or shopping.
- He didn’t want me to meet his friends.
- He wanted us to be all the time together.
- Every time he was doing something wrong, he managed to turn the argument about something I supposedly did wrong.
- He was acting completely different in every environment (with friends, with his family, with my friends, but when we were alone it was always the worst version).
These are some of the things that he did.
I still remember one day that I was laughing on a video on YouTube and he said to me “Are you done?!”. I still remember that I was crying about 4 to 5 times a week. I still remember the night that I had such a great sense of danger after a fight that we had. For the story, he broke up with me, which was actually a good thing, because I don’t know when I would have managed to decide to leave.
I still remember many things, but I have admitted to myself that I have been in an abusive relationship and made peace with that fact, with the past, and with myself. I survived. And it wasn’t easy to return to my happy place. But I fought and created a new version of myself and my happy place, because of course the experience changed me forever, but for the best.
The main reason for writing this post is to put a little, tiny, rock in the mountain that’s called awarness.
Abuse is still a big taboo for our society. And though I take the responsibility for my choices, I wish that there was even one person back then that would tell me that “you know, these things are not normal, not at all, this is some kind of abuse”. I wish I have heard this from someone, and not that I was in a bad relationship, or that we weren’t a match. No! I was in an abusive relationship. That was it, that’s the reality.
So, I’m doing what I would like someone else to have done for me. Talking to everyone else out there…
I’m saying that if you have a bad feeling about your relationship and the person that you’re with, chances are that it’s your instinct talking to you. If something feels really wrong, you should get out. What you’re feeling is not love. It’s just not love, love is a good thing. Abuse isn’t. Talk to others and most of all trust yourself and what your gut tells you. Trust yourself because you deserve to be loved properly and in a good, healthy, way!
And in case you’re not in such a relationship, but know someone that is in a emotionally or physically abusive relationship, act and help that person in every way you can, so she/he can get out of it.
Because, abuse in relationships is here and it’s real, even its emotional version!
P.S. Here’s the song I’m talking about in the title of the post: https://youtu.be/kDqDPp29nAE.