That thing called “limits”

One of the most important things I have learned in therapy, is something that is not necessarily related to my OCD, but it’s very useful for life in general.

Limits.

Setting my limits where I want/need, create them if needed, keep them. Limits are practically everywhere; in love life, in professional life, in family life, absolutely everywhere.

And setting limits doesn’t mean that you become unapproachable, it just means that you know/love yourself, and you know your needs/desires/stamina/etc, so you learn to say no for example!

But, in life, we all live as parts of a society. We interact with other people. And sometimes there are people who try to trespass those limits.

Lately, I have come along situations like this. Somebody wants me to follow exactly what he/she wants, somebody else tries to prove to me that I’m the one in fault when I talk to him/her about some issues in our relationship, somebody else thinks that I’m available 24/7 to help him/her with his/her problems while in the same time doesn’t recognize mine, etc.

Yes, this post is more about the cases where someone is trying to trespass my limits in purpose or doesn’t respect them so much to stop where they are set.

When something like this happens, I protect myself, I defend my limits without any drama, just talking and showing to others that they should respect me and that I’m not their toy to play with, that I’m a human, an individual with free will and a personality of my own.

But sometimes people keep trying to trespass those limits of mine… and though I can understand part of the psychology behind this behavior, there are a few things that I have in my mind when situations like that happen….

You, who try to trespass my limits…

I can’t say just stop, because you’re a human being, free to do whatever you want. But, I can say that your limits stop where mine begin. And you should respect that.

But, know that I have been through my share of really difficult situations (which I survived in the best way possible). I have dealt all my life with a couple of people trying to manipulate me, and especially after going into therapy for my OCD, I have worked soo much with myself and managed to become a better version of me. And keep trying, having set my limits so I can feel good with myself, working on my obsessions, etc.

So, what makes you think that you can trespass my limits, just so you can make me do and believe your agenda?

I have survived things that made me stronger, I live my daily life with OCD (which means that many times I need to try for things that are really simple for a “normal” person), I have faced my demons, I have faced a parent who caused me a lot of problems since I was a teen, I have went from a person with suicidal throughts to a person that loves herself, I have worked towards finding a balance and peace in my mind/my life.

What makes you think that you can manipulate a person like that?

You not respecting me and my limits may upset me a bit for a while, after having to protect those limits from you, but I already do it, and I can keep doing it for as long as it takes, until I’m tired and show you the exit from my life.

And know, that I can understand why you’re so keen on manipulating others, it’s who you were raised to be, it’s something that fills your gaps and insecurities. But why don’t you choose to become better? Maybe work on your demons and the insecurities that your mind is constantly talking you about….

So, these where just my thoughts, because in some cases you have to give another proper answer to the other person, and not exactly what you have in mind.

Well, this is society, a place full of people interacting with each other…! Roar…!

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On father’s day

I write “father’s day”, with a small “f”, like I do with “god” and “g”. Because I don’t believe in my father, and I don’t believe in god.

So, today, it’s father’s day. I have come across many many posts. Thanking fathers around the world, remembering, etc, etc.

I thought of writing a few things, as a person that has bad relations with her father.

So, I used to admire my father, until years passed and I hit adolescence, as he hit some phase which made him… problematic. Many fights, starting from something I said, reached a point where I believed that I needed help because I had some kind of problem and was causing harm and trouble (spoiler: I was a very chill teen, just wanted my space and some solitude, no rebellions, no nothing). Years passed until I realized I wasn’t the one doing wrong. I wasn’t the one with the problem.

The problematic father continued existing in my life, causing problems whenever I was getting closer.

Had three turning points (yeah, it took me many years and three big breaking points to move on and move him out of my life practically). The third one was picking up the phone and giving him a piece of my mind, many of the things I’ve always wanted to tell him and they were burning inside me, and I didn’t want to spend my life not saying them out loud to him. And I did, I said it all, and he had the worst reaction he could have, total denial, etc, etc.

For me this was the end. A stop. I still talk to him about the basics (they’re not separated with my mama), having a basic interaction, but the sentimental switches are definitely turned off. I turned them off so I can become a better person, so I can move on, as a way of survival.

So, why I’m writing a post about him? This one is basically about the idea of a father/man. I have bad relations with my father, worked things out for myself, and…..

…..the way I view men has changed, I don’t have any competition against them (like I used to), I’m more relaxed with them, and I can tell apart my father from the idea of a father/man.

I’m able to dream, of meeting a nice man, that will be caring, showing his feelings, taking care of me, being a good friend, being a good father to the kids that may come one day.

I have realized that even though I have been through some hard times (and some really hard ones) with the issue, I believe, I have faith in manhood, because a bad “product” doesn’t mean that all “products” are equally bad.

So, after 29 years of life, today I celebrate father’s day!

I’m happy for all the people who have/had great fathers, all the people that are great fathers. And I celebrate for myself, for faith in good people, for the faith that good men exist, that there are good examples of fatherhood out there and sometimes even the thought of this is so soothing and comforting!

Life,variety, different people, faith.

A village & a person

I’m thinking about all these widely known people committing suicide the past couple of years.

Having been there (had suicidal ideations in the past), I have written before about my thoughts on the increasing number of suicides and of suicide in general.

Well, to be honest, I’m not sure if it’s an increase of suicides, or if it’s just the same as in the past, but nowadays the incidents see the light of day more frequently. It doesn’t matter that much.

For the past couple of days I was thinking that all these cases, they should work as a wake up call.

Mental health is here. It may be unseen sometimes, but we have to do something about it.

It takes a village to make progress. But it always starts with a person! Me, you, everyone. Each one of us should start doing something, talking, speaking out, sharing stories, opening a dialog about mental health, about what really is about, etc.

I have been someone with an untreated mental health disorder for about 8 years and I have friends who have a mental health issue and don’t continue their treatment (being in denial) guilty or not even starting a treatment in the first place (also a form of denial).

But denial doesn’t lead anywhere. And all the myths about what mental health disorders and issues are like continue going from mouth to mouth; and it would take the same energy to get to know mental health better, than creating a ton of misinformation around it!

It takes a village, but it starts from the person, you, and me, and everyone else.

The most important thing, and an idea to begin with is acceptance. Accepting that mental health exists, that it’s a real thing that can kill you if left untreated and inside a tornado of denial. Otherwise it’s treatable.

And then, after acceptance, come words, and expression, and the beginning of a dialog.

Sounds like an utopia? Maybe…

But, mental health is something that’s treatable, it’s about your brain, your body is there to support you; anything related to mental health has some kind of solution.

And even though you might think you’re alone, there are thousands (if not millions) of people out there that can relate to you.

So, why keeping yourself and your issue in the shadows?

Diary

I was born, grew up and still living in a Mediterranean country. For us, Greeks, food is a really important thing. It’s an excuse to gather around a table, eat, talk, laugh and maybe talk even louder (well, when we talk loudly isn’t always about arguing).

There’s this aura of having lunch, dinner, any meal, with family. It’s a combination of warmth, a cocoon, filled with taste!

All these, usually remind me of family, but as I grow up and years of living on my own pass, I realize that I have this sense/feeling even when I’m cooking and eating alone at my home; it’s all about food sometimes!