Living with OCD (no.23)

This one could be titled “The constant companion”.

Because this is OCD. It’s constantly living next to you. It’s always there, by your side, you two always go hand in hand!

And you can try, and even make it, to live with it and have it under control. But it’s not always possible. And most of all, it’s not always pleasant to live with OCD.

Because, sometimes, it makes everyday life more difficult. And it never basically leaves you alone. It’s always there and never letting you free!

A ticking time bomb maybe? Or a bunch of tiny ticking time bombs.

Diary

Today is a Sunday. Middle of July. And….the first day of my summer holidays! Wheeee!

Well, having grown up in a place pretty much close to the sea, I usually wasn’t in such great need of holidays. I was cool about it.

But this year, oh my, I am in such great need of a good pause and relaxation period.

In the last three years of my life I went through a bad break up, had to care for my grandma and her health issues (plus some urgent hospital visits), had depression and suicidal thoughts caused by my then untreated OCD, I started learning how to handle my OCD in the best possible way, had to go back and live at my parent’s house due to some economical issues, my mama was diagnosed with cancer and I was her main caretaker for the one year it took her to overcome it, and I saved my father’s life when I alerted the rest of the family to take him to the hospital just in time. And all these while still having an anxiety disorder like OCD, and keep working towards my goals when it was possible.

So, after these last three years, I really need some vacation. Nothing extravagant, just spending some time with family, relaxing, putting myself in sleep/pause mode, and maybe having someone else care for me for me for a change.

Let the holidays begin!

Living with OCD (no.22)

Things that can stress you out/be a trigger when you have an anxiety disorder like OCD:

  • Getting out of the house (so many stressers probably waiting to happen).
  • Reading the news (a bunch of stressers).
  • Doing an everyday task like having a bath (there’s a ritual even for simple things, that eventually makes them not so simple).
  • Moving from one room of the house to another (yes, there can be triggers even inside your own house).
  • Getting on a bus/public transport (enough said).
  • Going to sleep (one more night of anxiety dreams and nightmares, wheee).
  • Not having a schedule (yes, last minute plans and not fixed appointments are….not preferable).
  • Watching/hearing something that’s straight related to your specific triggers/stressers.
  • Having too much sugar.
  • Having too much caffeine.
  • Being too tired (as I like to say, “don’t listen to your brain when you’re tired, it speaks nonsense”).
  • Do laundry (be clean yourself, touch the freshly washed clothes with super clean hands, etc, etc).
  • Other really anxious people (in reality people with anxiety try to keep their environment calm, because they’re mind is already messy).
  • Shouts, nerves and all these high energy behaviors of others that can make you more anxious.
  • Not being able to avoid a trigger.
  • The reminder of a trigger.
  • Having to make a call (if you’re someone who doesn’t like speaking on the phone).
  • Waking up (yes it’s exciting that a new day begins, but a list of rituals/compulsions/to dos begins as well).
  • Even the thought of some things/situations.
  • The constant question of whether an object is clear or not.