I married a witch (a movie)

I married a witch….

What a beautiful movie. And a perfect beauty. And those amazing clothes!

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Living with/out OCD (no.9)

All the things that seem like nothing to you, but feel like everything to me.

All the things that seem so simple to you, but feel so complex to me.

All the things that seem so unimportant to you, but feel like climbing a mountaintop to me.

There are moments when I’m so jealous of all the other people, the ones without OCD. And when these few moments come, I’m jealous of one particular thing: how “normal” people go through their everyday tasks easily, smoothly.

Having OCD means that your everyday life is full of rules, obsessions and compulsions that your mind sets. There are so many things in everyday life that are anything but simple.

I have become friends with my OCD (and currently working on becoming close friends with my own mind), but still I get tired sometimes.

Sometimes seems so relaxing that you don’t HAVE TO have a shower before going to bed. In my world I have to take a shower each single night before bed, after spending a day being careful where I step amd where I sit and what I touch. It’s not like I have an option. Mind says I must, I do.

And there are these other days, rare gems, when for some reason (usually a combo of not being at home, having a sleep over at a friend’s or something, and being in a good day for my OCD, etc) I “break” the compulsion.

But, even though I take this “break”, it doesn’t come easy. It comes along with a pinch of anxiety and an “off feeling”.

And then comes a pleasant feeling: it feels like I’ve reached the greatest mountaintop in the world! Like I achieved something extremely special and hard.

And if you think about it… all the rough times I go through with my OCD, I do accomplish something great, for real!

And some final thoughts…

For all of you that don’t have OCD: I kind of admire your life sometimes, all the small things that stay small for you.

For all of you that live with it: I know how hard it is, keep up the good work and celebrate the “small victories” , that are basically not so small.

And as for me, this is a good day, full of triggers I have taken in as less of a trigger, and tonight I’m not going to have a shower. Nothing bad is going to happen if I don’t, so I’m going for it!

Living with/out OCD (no.8)

I remember that back in autumn, when I started taking a reduced dose of my antidepressants, one of the main…let’s say symptoms, was the crying. Too many emotions, too much crying.

Now that I’m off, I’m going through the second round. Wheee! Not.

For the past few days my brain reacts like this:

  • Hearing bad news… crying!
  • Hearing good news… crying!
  • Thinking of something I’m afraid… crying!
  • Feeling sad about a certain thing… crying!
  • No particular reason… crying!
  • Having too many things to do… crying!
  • Feeling something pleasant… crying!
  • Feeling something intense… crying!
  • Maybe even feeling in general… crying!
  • Watching/seeing something beautiful… crying!
  • “Oh, look how far you’ve come with handling your triggers”… crying!

My brain misses its extra serotonin so much, but I won’t back down, even if I have to cry many rivers!

Till next post 😭🎊