Thought of making a couple of quick sketches about how OCD feels like.1. All the mess/thoughts creating a never ending circle with no way out.2. Sometimes a trigger comes after another trigger, and another trigger, and another. Sometimes you’re trying to get over a trigger and you stumble upon another one.3. A trigger-free state is like a pleasant/safe box. But, usually having OCD feels like a big mess.
There’s that saying “it gets worse before it gets better”.
Going off meds feels like that after the first month or so. I guess after all the crying, melancholy, bad mood, mood swings, it’s the time for my OCD to get worse; hopefully before it gets better.
But for now, it has gotten worse. I feel the pressure I was feeling a long time ago, getting one trigger after the other, my mind getting too much stuck.
The only difference is that I’m in a different place, I’m somehow different. Having done a lot of work with myself during therapy. The “improvements” help to go through the triggers, but still there are moments that it gets so hard.
My mind goes like “oh, what was that stain you stepped on?!”.
Me “I didn’t step on it”.
My mind “oh, yes you did”.
And the dialog can go on… feels like old times with a new twist. The new twist is that I never totally lose control. Even with the hardest triggers, I manage to control things a bit and don’t let my OCD take over completely. It gets tough, I need a lot of energy to create this kind of balance and have even the slightest success, but it’s worth it.
One trigger at a time.
A pinch of logic, on top of a trigger.
Life keeps rolling.
I’m off antidepressants. I work a lot with my handmade jewelry/drawings/art photography/digital collages. I live everyday life with its moments and responsibilities.
Stopping the meds, even though I did it the right way, has been… pretty difficult.
With my arts I have been very productive, as always. And had a few good surprises: I was thinking of closing my Redbubble shop since I had no sales, but lately had two sales! So, now I’m working much more on creating pieces to add to it.
For my handmade jewelry I have been spending hours and hours on social media. And having a couple of photoshoots after creating a bunch of new things! And soon I’m going to reopen my original artwork Etsy shop that has been closed for a while.
Everyone, family and friends is healthy and well. And I have met a guy, a good one. So, I suppose that’s a great opportunity to start a new series of posts about OCD and love. Soon!
That’s all for now, many beautiful things coming soon!