The ones & the one life

[I haven’t always been treated in the best way possible by others. I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship in the past, I have let people treat me as it suited them sometimes. And I’m changing all that. I’m in the process of doing it, have done some great progress so far…!]

And I’m living this small manifesto here:

  • Let go of people. We change, we learn and someone may not be the best match for us anymore. If you feel like something doesn’t feel good, maybe it’s time for change.
  • Change is our friend, your friend. Yes, change makes us feel uncomfortable sometimes, but it brings new things that chances are, they’re gonna be better than the ones in our past.
  • Nothing happens inside your comfort zone. Well, I know it’s fucking scary sometimes, when you have to make that step to get outside your comfort zone. But pieces of magic live there!
  • Find people that bring the best out of you, that calm and excite you in the right ways. Find people that make you feel comfortable, and people that never make you feel bad for being yourself! And be honest and your true self with them. And show them your love. And keep them in your life.
  • Have people in your life that you can truly connect with.
  • Have an open mind; for everything. But also have your limits and protect them if necessary. Find your balance.
  • Remember how an honest conversation with another person can open your heart and your mind.
  • Try to let go of the control. Or relax about controlling yourself, things, life, others. Sorry, there are extremely few things you can actually control.
  • That face, that human that’s looking straight back at you from the mirror, smile to her/him. And love her/him till death do you part.
  • And have fun in the meantime!
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The Polly Pocket effect

[A photo with flash, because if I was a kid and wanted to shoot a thing in the dark I would put flash (and not the proper lighting).]

As an adult I have played with toys and games from my childhood, watched shows and movies from my childhood. But, of course, nothing feels the same while not being a kid anymore.

So, a few days before I saw that Mattel relaunched the original Polly Pocket, the tiny ones. I went to a store to check them out and I bought one, since I have none from when I was a kid.

It’s the exact, same, feeling…! The miniature efffect, the gesture of placing the figurine in the proper place so it can stand still on its own, the proportions, the compact case, the tiny tiny accessories and how they don’t fit all inside the case and you extend your play/installation outside it. A microcosm inside a small case!

All those feelings hit me, it was so moving. Remembered exactly how it was to play with Polly Pockets as a kid! Like in the movies when the character finds a childhood toy and it all comes back to her/him. (Well, then a not so pleasant related memory hit me too, but this was like the horror movies where they say that when you open a connection to the other world evil things may enter as well.)

Now the Polly Pocket is sitting near me in my art studio. I chose one that is a sewing atelier, so it’s close (I’m into sewing too).

A piece of my childhood self that after all seems it has become a part of me.

P.S. Here’s an older Polly Pocket related story, here!

The monster in my brain

This could be “Living with OCD (no.24)”, but it’s not. I think it’s about mental health in general.

This one is about all the small things that for someone with a mental health issue can be (not “seem”, because if your brain says so, it’s law for your existence) huge.

These last days my brain has started telling me that after all a stain or something dirty can’t hurt me, can’t do me any harm, especially after days, weeks, months or even years (yes, I have triggers that have stayed with me for years) after. It might sound weird and crazy to some, but this is part of OCD. Me and many other people live with it each single day. No vacations, no days off.

But, there are some special moments. Those moments that your brain makes you feel so powerful, that you feel like you can do magic and go through really really difficult tasks! I think it’s a combo of the work you have done with yourself first, and the medication that helps to make things even better.

I was thinking about those moments, for example when you decide to clean that corner of your house (the one you were avoiding for months), and the way you feel afterwards: like you won a medal or something! You managed to bring to terms a super difficult task, even though it was hard!

And then, there is the realization of the space between the life inside your mind, and the reality. You realize how your brain makes life so difficult for you.

It’s that little monster inside your mind, that little monster you live with, that little monster with the ups and the downs.

But, it’s a one way road: you live with it and you keep trying to make the best out of it!

About religion

I used to believe in God.

I grew up as a Christian, but my family was never too attached to the church.

One day, when I was 18, I woke up and decided to stop believing in any higher power. I would believe in people and in what I can do from that point on.

It’s been almost 12 years since that day. Hard times came, sickness, breakdowns, reached my limits many times, and never felt the need to change anything in my atheistic views.

From my point of view, believing in a religion and in a God, reflects the need of an individual to believe in a higher power, to something/someone much stronger than he/she is.

Today, I started thinking about what more religion could be.

But first, let me tell you a couple of things I almost hate when it comes to religion-related situations:

  • Many people have taken the idea of a peaceful and full of love individual/God and have turned it into a punisher, accompanied by so many unflexible rules, dos and don’ts.
  • The majority of all religion-related texts and rules are basically made by people, no God made them, which practically lets so much free space to the imponderable human factor that can either act with good, bad, or really bad and selfishness in mind.
  • So, so many people use religion to cover a much sinister side of their human nature. On a higher place in the system of the church or just a believer, or anything else, this kind of people do exist, and I suspect that they’re more than I would like to believe.
  • Why people should be divided in so many different religions, and have to prove that each one is a better religion that the others?! And why should people fight and kill over religion, over a belief towards an idea that should lead to peace of mind and not the opposite.

I guess I have started rethinking about faith and religion. But I’m kind of starting over. From a fresh point of view as much as I can.

I still believe in people, and will always do. I believe that apart from all the evil and bad in the world, there is good, purity, love, peace, beauty, and so many good beliefs and ideas.

Faith should be about becoming a better person and this way making the world a better place.

After all, maybe that’s a really good start to find/reinvent/rethink your faith: start from yourself and the world inside you.

Being true

A few minutes ago, I saw on Facebook a video of a musician talking about his mental health. And lately I’m thinking about some people I have met in my life that are so… fake. My mind works that way, did the math and here it is, a post!

What if we were more true to ourselves and to others?

What if some people weren’t pretending so much of being someone else?

I’m talking about people that you have to get to know them really really well to realize that they’re not the person that they seem to be.

Why try so hard? Why try so hard to build an image that’s not your truth?

Everyone wants to be desirable by others, as a friend/acquaintance/love interest/etc, but there is NO CHANCE that everyone will like you (true self, fake self, it’s the same, not everyone is going to like you).

But hey, you can change a bit according to your “audience” (got this use of the word from a friend’s phrase, thanks friend)! You can be a chameleon, and present yourself according to the person you’re talking to.

Or maybe not….

Well, whenever I come across this kind of people, I just want to (apart from getting frustrated purely about the fact that they’re fake to your face) to tell them:

Just be true. You are who you are, no one’s perfect, so stop torturing yourself. Out there there are people that are going to like you just the way you really are. No one’s happy all the time, no one’s in control all the time, everyone has ups and downs and everyone isn’t always fun to be around. There are people out there that are ready to accept/love you for who you really are, not for the fake-you.

We have only one fucking self, ourself accompanies us from the moment we are born until the day we die, so why don’t you give it the chance to shine through?

Diary

Have you ever felt those avalanches of thoughts, feelings and phobias about your life?

  • What I should do next?
  • Have I done enough until now?
  • What’s going on?
  • Am I ever falling in love again?
  • Should I change anything?

Well, this list is practically endless!

Even if you’re the most confident person on earth (and that’s a manner of speech, because there’s no such thing I think), these moments/periods of avalanche over-thinking definitely come.

And there’s always a way out of them. For example, I usually try to go through it while reminding to myself all the positive things, keeping calm and planning my next steps in life.

But, the mess they create in your mind is significant. They make you feel weird, and out of shape/order, and not “in the best of spirits“! Like going through a phase.

But can you do, this is life, right?!