“Soul decay” (a poem) 

It’s been quite some time since the last time I posted a poem (practically about a year, back then the “microcosm” was at a different address).

So, here’s a new one!

I wanted it to be of free (almost abstract) form. A comment about all those moments that you lose your faith in humanity and life…. 

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Τime, plus….. 


It’s been a while (one month and a half).

Well, life happens. And it takes time to turn things into words. Yes it does.

If someone asked me right now what happened in my life the last year and a half I would answer “Life”. And life goes hand by hand with time.

This year and a half…. I thought it was time to go, and then it was time to fight for all the time I had lost, and then life told me “you know, it’s time to grow up”, and I did, and then time kept testing me for a while, and I passed all the tests, “time will tell” they say (and time did tell), and now….

Now I keep learning about time. It goes only one way, and you adapt to survive or you end up swirling in time, but if you go with the flow of minutes passing, you can be free; to swim through time, until the end of it. 

Becoming an adult

I still remember looking at adults around me, back when I was a kid or teen. They seemed to be able to make things happen, being capable of solving everyday problems. In my eyes seemed like some kind of magic! 

And basically, when I turned eighteen and officially became an adult myself, things didn’t change much for me. 

Well, it’s been sometime since then, ten years to be exact. Ten years of minor experiences, major/life changing experiences, change of opinions, neurological evolution that comes “with age”, memories that keep spending time with me, fresh everyday memories, joy (a lot of it), sadness (a lot of it as well), problems, the solution of them, highs, very highs, lows, really really lows, etc. 

What passed through these 10 years can be summed up in one word I believe: life. 

Growing up as an adult, maturing, living, made me realize that there’s no magic, the way I thought it existed. Adults don’t heve a magical way to deal with things! They only learn how to live. I’m learning how to live. And it’s very useful to have an open mind through this procedure that practically lasts for decades.

Oh, and by the way, some of the most recent conclusions I came to are the following:

  • Many times life is the balance between breathing and death. 
  • In life,  basically, you can control only a few things. 
  • During your lifetime, you should learn your limits, respect them, show to others how to respect them as well (always talking about your own limits) and work on expanding them. 
  • Much needed things: work and persistence. 
  • A very important thing: perspective.

Well, these are the basic thoughts I have about maturing, life, adulthood, these days! 

To be continued (because I need to do my grocery shopping too, what can you do, adult life….!)…. 

Too close to home

These past months two musicians have committed suicide, due to mental health problems. The news hit too close to home both times, so I decided that it was time to write about it. 

Well, I have been there, not too long ago. About one year ago, after years of untreated OCD, my mind got really tired and started giving me suicidal thoughts. They were coming when I was really stressed, or even out of the blue. Believe me, when your mind tells you even the way you could try and kill yourself is one of the weirdest moments of your life. 

The one thing you MUST do when these thoughts come, is ask for help from a psychologist/psychiatrist! With the help of an expert you see things how they really are. Suicidal thoughts is your mind talking nonsense, your mind being tired of certain problems, your mind trying to cope with untreated mental health issues. Killing yourself is never the answer! 

Many people may say that “you cannot do this to your family”, but I say that YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO YOURSELF. In life, hard times always appear and (mental) health isssues appear as well, but there are doctors and experts for it, to help you cope and get healthy, fight, survive and move on from bad times. 

Each individual has hers/his burden/past/memories, but there’s nothing you cannot deal with eventually. It just takes help, time and willpower. But it’s all worth it. Because you cannot lose life, all the happy times that are going to come, all the love, the people, the nice things, the moments, the everyday things, everything, because your mind told you so at some point. 

Suicidal thoughts are about problems with your mental health, and though it’s still some kind of taboo (in 2017), mental health is still HEALTH. When you get psychically sick you go to the doctor, it’s the same thing with mental health, your mind gets sick and you need to go to the doctor. After all, your body works because of your mind/brain! 

So, don’t ever give up, if you have suicidal thoughts it might seem logical to turn them into action. But it’s not! In the end of the tunnel you’re into there is light, there is life, there are good things you can’t even imagine right now. Difficult times definitely come in life, but definitely go as well. And you must be breathing to meet them! 

Trust me, because I’m a suicidal thoughts survivor! 

Life as it is

Yeah, life isn’t always easy, and sometimes bad things come in groups. In the past year, since last May to be exact, many things have happened. 
I was diagnosed with O.C.D., after almost ten years from the first signs of it. This O.C.D. brought me to a breaking point and caused me depression and suicidal thoughts. I started therapy and taking meds. After a couple of months, a big part of the factory where my mom amd brother were working was burnt. My brother who was working in production stopped working, but my mom continued working in the offices of the factory. But, since I don’t have a day job, I had to go back to my parent’s house for some months. A couple of weeks after the fire, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. She did chemo and these days she’s going into surgery. Thankfully her cancer is treatable. And, last weekend my father almost died from kidney failure. He survived and is going on dialysis, probably for the rest of his life. 

It’s so funny, that as I’m writing and reading the last lines all these seem so surreal! Yes, bad things happen all together sometimes, this is a fact. But, the difference is made from the way each person decides to react and act to things. 

Personally, I prefer fighting. I say that “when life gives you the middle finger, you give her the middle finger back”. I’m a fighter, and I try to make even the worst things work in the best way possible (a kind of positive thinking, but more of a way of working with things, so I can get something positive out of them). 

In the last year of my life, many things (some of them really bad) have happened. BUT,… my mom’s cancer is treatable, my O.C.D. is going well, I’m doing great with psychotherapy, and most importantly I can now say that I’m learning to live. 

Really live, not just going through every day. But, becoming a better and stronger human, becoming better friends with myself, taking control of my life and learning what really matters in life. 

Even in the worst situations, there’s always something good you can dig up! 

When the man comes around 

In life, there’s only one thing that you cannot cheat and will definitely come for you at some point. The irony in this is that one thing is the end of life. 

Personally I believe that we are born, we live our lives and we die. It’s that simple. But still death is one of the greatest fears and taboos. 

My greatest fear, was the death of my mother. I couldn’t even think about it. I use past tense, because I’m in the process of making peace with the idea. My mother has cancer, she will recover fully, but all this cancer thing was the chance for me to work with the idea that some day she will die. And it makes me think how I would like to spend the time I have left, with her, with everyone around me and which things I would like to do, before it’s too late.  Yeah, there’s something weird about it  the closer death comes to you (in any way), the more you realize what life really means. 

It’s not easy to accept the fact of your favorite people’s death, it’s an ongoing process. A good sense of humor and maybe the love for the macabre can help. Can help with figuring out a couple of things, because I think that you can never figure out everything. But can always try!

1st P.S. The title is from “The man comes around” by Johny Cash. The first photo is from Ingmar Bergman’s “Seventh Seal” and the second from the video of “Show Yourself” by Mastodon. 

2nd P.S. I would love to hear your thoughts on this subject!

Just life 

Lately, I think a lot about the “microcosm”. How it has changed over the years and especially how it has changed over the last months. 
Yeah, since it’s basically a personal blog, it makes total sense to change with time, exactly like life does! But, sometimes, I’m thinking if someone takes a look at the posts… is he/she going to understand what the blog is about?! 

So, I thought of writing a few words about… life right now. 

I’m a 28 year old artist, living in a colorful house (it’s an apartment, but I like the word “home”), in Athens (Greece). 

I’m practicing many forms of art (trying to make a career out of them and looking for a day job in the same time). I have three brands (one with colorful/ bohemian handmade jewelry, one with psychobilly/ macabre inspired handmade jewelry and one with my original artwork). I’m a photographer, and a crafter. I’m practicing, so I can do performance art someday.

I have ocd (I’m doing really well lately). And my mother has cancer (she’s doing well and she’s going to do even better).

So, the “microcosm” has every aspect of my life in its posts. 

I hope you like the variety! 

People are complicated and life is too!