I remember that back in autumn, when I started taking a reduced dose of my antidepressants, one of the main…let’s say symptoms, was the crying. Too many emotions, too much crying.
Now that I’m off, I’m going through the second round. Wheee! Not.
For the past few days my brain reacts like this:
- Hearing bad news… crying!
- Hearing good news… crying!
- Thinking of something I’m afraid… crying!
- Feeling sad about a certain thing… crying!
- No particular reason… crying!
- Having too many things to do… crying!
- Feeling something pleasant… crying!
- Feeling something intense… crying!
- Maybe even feeling in general… crying!
- Watching/seeing something beautiful… crying!
- “Oh, look how far you’ve come with handling your triggers”… crying!
My brain misses its extra serotonin so much, but I won’t back down, even if I have to cry many rivers!
Till next post 😭🎊
The antidepressants are off.
The therapy is ongoing.
Big good things have happened (starting a relationship).
Bad things have happened (changes in everyday life, the health of my grandmother next door has worsen).
My “life without OCD” is on pause, because there are so many data/feelings/new situations that need to be processed by my brain. And for about a little more than a week now, all this has to be done without any help of pharmaceutical help, which basically means more work for me.
And menstrual hormones are sprinkles on top of this cake!
Well, when I tapered my medication I started realizing it effects. It’s a procedure to start over with a lesser dose. And now that they’re completely off, it’s a procedure to start over without any meds.
You see, I find this the most important thing to keep in mind: when you’re going off your antidepressants (reminders: I was on mine for my OCD/ we should never stop taking our meds without our doctor’s advice) you should keep in mind in all times that your brain needs time to adapt to the new situation. Well, it can get a bit tough at times.
At least my sweet brain has opened closed boxes. I guess there are things left to be processed inside those boxes. Or it’s just my brain wanting to see how it feels without the meds to keep the balance.
Here we go again, process/think/live through it solve. And again. And again.
Two and a half years. For two and a half years I was on antidepressants. Today, it’s the day that I’m officially off my meds!
(And yeah, I bought my version of a mini cake and I blew out two and a half candles!)
Apart from therapy and a huge amount of work with myself, meds helped me through the last years. For the past two months I have been tampering my medication (doctor’s orders – always!).
Now it’s the end of an era.
I’m still in therapy and I definitely still have OCD, but I can handle things without medication now. My brain is going to need some time to adjust to the absence of that extra sertaline, but we’re doing fine so far (myself and my brain).
P.S. A memo: This is a post about my experience with OCD, mental health and medication. Each story is different. It’s amazing to have a public dialog about mental health, but always follow your doctor’s instructions. You’re all brave and amazing ❤️