After almost two years of bad sleep, a little while ago, I managed to get myself to sleep a little better, and yes, it was a greeaaat feeling!
But here I am, back to my mind never sleeping properly.
It’s not that I don’t sleep, I do. But, I sleep with anxiety and usually wake up really stressed. Here, you can see a self-portrait at 5 a.m. Woke up at 4, tried to go back to sleep, but then my mind was already awake!
It’s not that I’m not an early bird. Back to when I was little I was waking up at 4 and 5 a.m. (biological clock, what can I say), and I still wake up around 6 or 7 usually.
The really bad thing is the bad quality of my sleep. Even if I have a full 8-hour sleep,during that my mind is like “oh, let’s go back to those thoughts from earlier in the day/knock knock, are you trying to sleep?/oh, I’m Angelina’s brain and I don’t feel like sleeping tonight/let’s watch one of those thriller movie dreams!”.
Imagine waking up and living the day after that, for almost two years!
I manage to be productive and do many things during the day, but it sometimes feels like a never ending circle: I don’t sleep well, too much anxiety, so my mind and body never get a proper rest, and this makes my anxiety worse; and many months adding up to this, I wake up with limited energy and quite some fatigue.
I have tried many things, some worked, some didn’t, some worked for a while. And still trying new tricks, and working on older ones. I have reached to the conclusion that to get better sleep you have to “program” your whole life basically, have routines during the day, that will eventually help your sleep. OCD loves routines right?! And I follow the way my mind and my OCD work, with the plan that things will get better (permanently, please)!
So, I really wanted to write this post, to show one more aspect of having an anxiety disorder and the everyday (and night) life with it.
Have a good day fellow “anxiety friends” and everyone else of course!