Starting over; kind of

I haven’t been posting here a lot lately. And apart from being busy with new art projects and stuff, I admit I was kind of stuck with my mental health and how I should go on writing about it in here.

I have always been sharing pieces of my life here, always keeping the very private things a little more private, but since I started writing about my mental health it’s different; I say my story and it feels good, but in the same time I hope that maybe I could shed some light on how life with OCD is, even maybe inspire someone else to take care of their mental health.

But, while being in therapy I keep going deeper and deeper and I have made so many realizations for myself, my life, my family. And for the past couple of months I have been figuring things out and in the same time thinking about how I would like to continue sharing my journey with OCD.

So, in the following days I’m going to write some posts that will be some kind of “restart” for this section of the blog and then continue with the usual casual posts about mental health, OCD and anxiety.

Take care until the next one!

It’s not a wonderful world (diary)

No photo for this one. Because I believe that there’s no match. Not 100%.

Lately, while reading articles online, looking around me, or listening to stories and news, I feel more than ever that this isn’t a wonderful world.

I have started to believe that we live in a world that goes through a massive crisis. Wars, people that run for their lives away from these wars, more and more poverty, violence, rapes, murders, fourteen eyes for one. It’s no big news, but I get the sense that things are getting a turn for the worst day by day.

All this seems so sad and scary. Seeing all the hate that grows in people. Instead of humanity becoming better, it becomes worse. Instead of the majority of people working on becoming better, we become more irritable, focusing on our image, hiding what’s not convenient, and even if we talk about important matters or taboo themes, we do it in such an intense way.

Personally, when I see and think about all these, I try to see the other side as well, the good things, the beauty of things. But it’s not always so easy.

Sometimes this idea stucks in my mind: why is the world going so wrong?!

The thing with the things

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As I have written before, I have been decluttering my home/art studio for some time now.

I have given away a lot of things, donated some, gifted some other to friends. There were ( and still are) much to give away: clothes that don’t fit me anymore, things I haven’t used for a long time, some other items that it was time to move on from.

Meanwhile, while going through all these stuff, I have started thinking about the real value of objects.

What’s the real value of an object? The price? The sentimental aspect of it?

Are we the one’s that give value to an object?

Is our need for owning things real after all?

For now, I have reached to the conclusion that the main real value of an object is the way it makes us feel.

As long as I can remember myself, up until this day, I really get attached to objects, so reevaluating all this it’s a big deal for me. But I have realized that in the end of the day, material possessions are not the most important thing in life.

I do have a lot of things, I’m a maximalist, have always been and probably will always be. I like a maximal living and working space. But, I have reached a point where I can choose some things to keep and let go of some other. And this is an ongoing process. I’m trying to find a new balance in my life.

My latest step is to let go even more things. And I had the idea of finding them new homes by selling some. Apart from the earning some extra cash aspect of reselling some things, I’m thinking that when someone is paying to buy something means that he/she really likes it and the object can continue its journey.

I love the idea that something I have worn/read/enjoyed will continue living and being appreciated in another house, in someone else’s life.

So, let’s see where this new project will lead…!

Happiness vs mental health

Adulthood definitely comes with a cost, ok. But what happens when your mental health becomes… let’s say distorted?

What happens when you have mental health issues that end up getting in the way of your life?

I remember that back in the time, before the past years (full of mental health issues, sickness in the family, etc.) happened, my main goal was to be happy.

And here I am, after relationship disasters, a mental breakdown, an OCD diagnosis, caring for sick family members, caring for old family members, realizing that I have never been more far away from that “being happy” goal. Realizing that I have basically spent the past three years surviving and not living, and definitely not being happy.

You see, after two years, it was time to go off my meds and along with great amounts of tears, and endless hours of all kinds of bad mood, one good thing that happens is that my brain thinks kind of clearer. I see things for what they really are, see details I wasn’t able to notice while being on anxiety medication. It’s like being in the middle of a tornado, trying to survive, and then when all the mess stops, you’re left wondering what you’re going to do with what’s left.

Time to pick up pieces of yourself that you left behind, add to your life things that came along afterwards, find new balance.

And for me, there’s something more now, go on to accomplish that older goal of mine, “being happy”! Of course things have changed and I have changed, so it has to be done differently.

Plus, it has to be done while living with a not so cooperative brain sometimes.

I basically have/want to find happiness while dealing with mental health issues…!

Choices, choices, choices

I’m a big fan of choice. I believe that, in life, the role of choosing can make a difference. Choice is one of the most important things in life.

Let’s make clear that I’m a recovering control freak. But, I now believe that you can control only a few things in life after all. Life happens, each person’s world meets with someone else’s, relationships are created, as well as social groups. You don’t have control over life usually, but you do have control over the way you react to life and and the choices you make.

Each moment, you decide on doing a thing and not an other. And each single choice you make, no matter how small or big it is, has an impact in your life.

Choice is responsibility. You take a big part of the responsibility of the way things turn out. The outcome of a situation may not be in your hand 100%, but the choice you make can turn things towards a certain way.

And that’s the thing that disappoints me sometimes, looking around, all the people who make the choice that won’t be the best for them, that may be self destructive.

Makes me want to say (or scream out loud, it depends): make the good choice! Make the choice that will bring you happiness and peace. Make the choice that will be good for you and that will make you a better person, that will add to you and not take from you. Make the choice that will make the show/life go on!

P.S. And for those who make the good choices for themselves: I’m so happy for you, you can feel the warmth of loving yourself, your skin, and your mind, right?!

Favorite words

I have seen the movie twice so far.

And cried both times during this monologue.

It’s not part of Agatha Christie’s book, but one of the additions for the movie.

And it hits really close to home for someone who’s learning that there’s no black and white, that there’s always something you didn’t know about people, for someone that’s dealing with OCD (which loves order, and certainty) on a daily basis, that has opened her/his eyes to the world from a fresh point of view, for someone like me.

A place called home (no.6)

Skulls and skeletons (and macabre and the relation between life and death) are definitely part of my microcosm!

They’re everywhere in the house, in my wardrobe and a lot in my art….

Just lifeĀ 

Lately, I think a lot about the “microcosm”. How it has changed over the years and especially how it has changed over the last months. 
Yeah, since it’s basically a personal blog, it makes total sense to change with time, exactly like life does! But, sometimes, I’m thinking if someone takes a look at the posts… is he/she going to understand what the blog is about?! 

So, I thought of writing a few words about… life right now. 

I’m a 28 year old artist, living in a colorful house (it’s an apartment, but I like the word “home”), in Athens (Greece). 

I’m practicing many forms of art (trying to make a career out of them and looking for a day job in the same time). I have three brands (one with colorful/ bohemian handmade jewelry, one with psychobilly/ macabre inspired handmade jewelry and one with my original artwork). I’m a photographer, and a crafter. I’m practicing, so I can do performance art someday.

I have ocd (I’m doing really well lately). And my mother has cancer (she’s doing well and she’s going to do even better).

So, the “microcosm” has every aspect of my life in its posts. 

I hope you like the variety! 

People are complicated and life is too!