Happiness vs mental health

Adulthood definitely comes with a cost, ok. But what happens when your mental health becomes… let’s say distorted?

What happens when you have mental health issues that end up getting in the way of your life?

I remember that back in the time, before the past years (full of mental health issues, sickness in the family, etc.) happened, my main goal was to be happy.

And here I am, after relationship disasters, a mental breakdown, an OCD diagnosis, caring for sick family members, caring for old family members, realizing that I have never been more far away from that “being happy” goal. Realizing that I have basically spent the past three years surviving and not living, and definitely not being happy.

You see, after two years, it was time to go off my meds and along with great amounts of tears, and endless hours of all kinds of bad mood, one good thing that happens is that my brain thinks kind of clearer. I see things for what they really are, see details I wasn’t able to notice while being on anxiety medication. It’s like being in the middle of a tornado, trying to survive, and then when all the mess stops, you’re left wondering what you’re going to do with what’s left.

Time to pick up pieces of yourself that you left behind, add to your life things that came along afterwards, find new balance.

And for me, there’s something more now, go on to accomplish that older goal of mine, “being happy”! Of course things have changed and I have changed, so it has to be done differently.

Plus, it has to be done while living with a not so cooperative brain sometimes.

I basically have/want to find happiness while dealing with mental health issues…!

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No hurt anymore

This one is dedicated to all the people that managed to leave behind them the hell and create something better and beautiful. I admire your strength. You managed a greater-than-great thing!

There’s a song by Hank Thompson, beautifully covered by Johny Cash, that’s called “I don’t hurt anymore”. It’s about the time after a heart breaking period in life, when you manage to stand on your feet once again.

I love this title/phrase and the movement towards new things that it symbolizes!

For the past month one of the most usual things in my mind is that of leaving some things in the past. I have dealt with the past and made the very best of it. And there are bits and pieces of it that are definitely part of me, in a changed form. People, situations, feelings, thoughts, habits, needs, desires, so many things! Some of them have come to the end of their era. Luckily a closure has come too. Some others are still “open cases”, but we’ll see about them. Time will show.

The thing with the things of the past is that they’re really precious and beneficial in order for you to become a better person, to help you grow, but from a certain point onward, keeping them too close to you is going to do you more harm than good.

There comes a time when the past must “close”. Stay away from the present. There comes a time you must keep results/aftermath and leave the sources behind.

To be honest, I have been thinking for some time now for ways to do that. The only idea that I had was to focus in the present. It’s hard, but step-by-step, I think I’m gonna manage to focus on what’s happening now/today, without paying too much attention in the past and without imagining too much of the future…!

It’s basically all about not hurting anymore.

And I don’t want to hurt anymore!

Τime, plus….. 

 

It’s been a while (one month and a half).

Well, life happens. And it takes time to turn things into words. Yes it does.

If someone asked me right now what happened in my life the last year and a half I would answer “Life”. And life goes hand by hand with time.

This year and a half…. I thought it was time to go, and then it was time to fight for all the time I had lost, and then life told me “you know, it’s time to grow up”, and I did, and then time kept testing me for a while, and I passed all the tests, “time will tell” they say (and time did tell), and now….

Now I keep learning about time. It goes only one way, and you adapt to survive or you end up swirling in time, but if you go with the flow of minutes passing, you can be free; to swim through time, until the end of it.