Diary

Today is a Sunday. Middle of July. And….the first day of my summer holidays! Wheeee!

Well, having grown up in a place pretty much close to the sea, I usually wasn’t in such great need of holidays. I was cool about it.

But this year, oh my, I am in such great need of a good pause and relaxation period.

In the last three years of my life I went through a bad break up, had to care for my grandma and her health issues (plus some urgent hospital visits), had depression and suicidal thoughts caused by my then untreated OCD, I started learning how to handle my OCD in the best possible way, had to go back and live at my parent’s house due to some economical issues, my mama was diagnosed with cancer and I was her main caretaker for the one year it took her to overcome it, and I saved my father’s life when I alerted the rest of the family to take him to the hospital just in time. And all these while still having an anxiety disorder like OCD, and keep working towards my goals when it was possible.

So, after these last three years, I really need some vacation. Nothing extravagant, just spending some time with family, relaxing, putting myself in sleep/pause mode, and maybe having someone else care for me for me for a change.

Let the holidays begin!

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Living with OCD (no.11)

Living with OCD, and in general with anxiety, is practically a constant road trip. It goes on and on, with its stops, its ups, and downs. There are the days you feel like you can rule the world, and the other days, when you feel like…not doing much basically.

But let’s get a little more personal.

I have managed to live in balance with my OCD, we have become some kind of friends. I have created a couple of comfort zones (some psychical, some not) and I test my limits almost every day.

Except… the days that I like to call “the break days”!

The days are the ones that I’m not in the best shape/mood. In these days I feel like the only thing that I want is to stay inside my comfort zone(s). For example, stay home, work from there, maybe treat myself to something nice, or pamper myself with a movie and some extra self care.

In the past I would think of these days as “lost”, time that I didn’t take advantage of. But not anymore.

I have learned that listening to the needs that your body and mind have, what they “tell” you, is as important as doing things. Keeping yourself in the best condition possible is crucial for your mental health, your psychical health and for getting things done basically! If you keep pushing your limits, without setting limits to protect yourself, eventually you’re gonna crush. And the truth is that those crushes are damaging.

Plus, I think of these breaks, as a reward on their own. I’m doing what I have to do in life, I have managed difficult situations when I had to, I’m really working with myself and my issues, so why shouldn’t I cut myself some slack and make stop from the road trip that’s called OCD/anxiety/life?