366 photos of 2020: March

The void

It’s been around 10 days since my break up.

I have been handling it very well. I’m taking my time, talking to family, a dear friend and my therapist. I’m doing things I love and keep a daily routine.

But, for the past couple of days the void of the daily communication with the now-ex-partner has made its appearance.

One of the greatest aspects of a relationship is communication. Having someone next to you, talking, telling them about your day. And when that daily communication goes away after a break up, it leaves a void.

There are moments and days that this void seems huge.

Personally, I always keep in the back of my mind that better days will come eventually. But it only helps a tiny bit with the pain.

“Summer night” (a b&w triptych)

A break up to-do-list

Did you recently broke up?

Because I did, so I thought of writing about the things I do to get over it.

1. First of all, when the break up happens, breathe. And call a friend. (Share the bad news, so you won’t go though it alone).
2. Keep calm, cool , and collected. And give yourself time to process the changes. (In this step be aware that your brain need time to process the new information, the feelings and the change of certain habits.
3. Keep your routine and your daily schedule. (It works better than pausing everything , even for some days. You’re going to hurt for a long time anyway, so in the meantime don’t pause your life).
4. Watch favorite movies/series/videos that make you feel good. (Fun and comfort in the same time).
5. Process your thoughts and feelings, and talk about them with friends/family/your therapist. (It can get really tough at times, but processing things and not avoiding them, is the best choice. It will definitely pay off).
6. Do things that make you happy in your everyday life. (Small things can ease the tension you feel in every level).

That’s all for now. Take care until next time!

When life gives you shit, do something about it

The (exact) half of 2020 is over. Saying it’s been an interesting year so far is an understatement.

For me it started with big problems with my grandmother and her husband, who happen to live right next to me. They’re 86 and 87 now, she’s in the first stages of dementia and in the beginning of the year he fell to bed and has been in bed ever since. Not a good combo when you have OCD and in the same time you’re the first responder to a situation like that!

Then, the quarantine came, and I decided to spend it with my parents. Living under the same roof for three months wasn’t easy at all. You know when you’re in therapy you start seeing things differently….

Then the quarantine ended and it was finally time to return home. By the way, my home needs a lot of work, because there are many triggers in it and I want to work on them.

Plus, as you may understand from all the above, I’m not really happy with my life for the past months. And there are a couple more things, for example I’m very pleased with my art, but I would like it to sell more. My OCD isn’t at its best, I’m going to start medication once more (but my doctor can’t return from Sweden for now, how fun!) and I want to improve many things in general.

The number one thing that’s going well is that I have found a good man, that accepts me for who I am and also accepts my OCD. We’re even going to live together in autumn! So, even if things are kind of a mess, this keeps me going. I was planning on writing about love, relationships and mental health for some time now.

But I won’t. Because this also went sideways. A few days ago, out of the blue, my boyfriend told me that he wanted us to break up. I didn’t see it coming, because there was no indication of it coming. After all I might write about how mental health affects relationships, but from a whole other point of view than the one I was planing.

So, here I am, I’m basically unhappy with almost everything in my life right now, plus a broken heart.

The good thing is that my character helps in these situations: I’m what you call a “fighter”. And the more low I go the more I get determined to get up.

Here I’m going to document my journey with getting over my break up and putting my life back in order. And I will continue writing about mental health, OCD and my art.

See you later!

366 photos of 2020: February

All 29 photos I took for my one-photo-a-day project, for February!

What’s happening?

If you open the TV, or scroll through Facebook, you see a lot of news (international and national).

A nurse, who as I read was working overtime during the pick of the pandemic, being dragged by her hair by the police because she protested for a raise. A black man being killed by the police, in cold blood basically, only for using a fake 20-dollar-bill. People who try to find refuge in another country, because theirs is in war and they try to keep themselves and their families alive, being treated in the worst possible way by governments. Women being abused by their boyfriends/husbands and when they eventually find the courage to ask for help, the police isn’t willing to help them.

I could go on and on, but I’m sure you get the point. And I won’t even get started on the violence against animals and kids.

So much violence, so much hate, so much corruption.

Why?

How did we get here?

How humans became… not human?

366 photos of 2020: January

As you may know, I’m doing the #onephotoaday project, which means I’m taking a photo for each single day of 2020.I moved the project to a parallel blog/gallery: “A microcosm of 366 photos”.All the above are my photos for January 2020.

The lives of others

Living with OCD is not an easy task. Actually, it can become really difficult sometimes!

There are moments when I want to do something different than what my OCD tells me to do, but I do what it tells me anyway. And there are so many routines and rules that I have to follow. Even for the smallest everyday tasks!

Which brings me to the point where after almost 14 years of living with obsessive compulsive disorder, there are many times when I’m jealous of other people’s lives. Not in a bad way; I just find it amazing to be able to live your life casually and being more “normal” and relaxed, instead of living in a world of triggers with constant anxiety and stress!

It’s the small things that count: being able to move freely in your own space instead of being careful about where you brush up against or what you touch. Being able to go out without getting prepared for a trigger. Being able to use objects without checking with your memory/brain first, to see if they’re triggered or not.

For the past couple of years things have been everything but ideal for me and my mental health hasn’t been at its best. But for the past year I have trying over and over again to make some progress with living a little more “normal”. There have been ups and downs with this project, and lately I’m on it again.

Always having as my motivation the thought of a more relaxed everyday life!

Progress loading…!

Present (a poem)